"A little to the right Lefty."
Have you ever wondered how much birdseed you could buy with 87 billion dollars? We are sending that whole pile of money to a country that doesn’t even have squirrels. It just doesn’t make sense to me. They are up to their sand piles in oil, a commodity the whole world is addicted to—and they need money from us?
If I had 87 billion clams I would buy a farm in Minnesota and plant sunflowers—then eat myself to death. I was well on my way to eating myself to death until the couple I live with found out that the government just gave another 87 billion dollars away. They stopped buying birdseed the very morning the news was aired on the Today Show.
If we knew we had to pay for all the damage we wouldn’t have used all those expensive missiles. I do a lot of damage but I never offer to replace anything. Just last week I gnawed a whole in a brand new plastic garbage can full of seed. Does it make any sense for me to go back now and fix that can? Heck no. If I help them it won’t matter. They still want to kill me.
I will never understand it. Let’s face it, I’m the cutest little thing on four feet. They should be pleased that I picked their feeder to call my home base. I could go anywhere. I heard them telling the neighbor the other day that I was a terrorist. They said I was using guerilla tactics to hit feeders and run. I do operate that way but not because I enjoy it—I’m forced into that behavior. The old woman has a stiff broom and Mr. Geritol has a slingshot—and they call ME the terrorist?
Why do they get to have WMD's (Weapons of Mean Desires) and think I should have my teeth pulled? I am on no global power trip. I don’t even think globally. I just want to be in control of this one backyard. I want to be master of my universe which is less than a half-acre of manicured lawn, delicious flower bulbs and an endless supply of black-oil sunflower seeds in a clear plastic, waterproof container. This would be utopia if I didn’t have to spend so much time in conflict over border disputes with this retired couple with too much time on their hands.
--Hairy Houdini
If I had 87 billion clams I would buy a farm in Minnesota and plant sunflowers—then eat myself to death. I was well on my way to eating myself to death until the couple I live with found out that the government just gave another 87 billion dollars away. They stopped buying birdseed the very morning the news was aired on the Today Show.
If we knew we had to pay for all the damage we wouldn’t have used all those expensive missiles. I do a lot of damage but I never offer to replace anything. Just last week I gnawed a whole in a brand new plastic garbage can full of seed. Does it make any sense for me to go back now and fix that can? Heck no. If I help them it won’t matter. They still want to kill me.
I will never understand it. Let’s face it, I’m the cutest little thing on four feet. They should be pleased that I picked their feeder to call my home base. I could go anywhere. I heard them telling the neighbor the other day that I was a terrorist. They said I was using guerilla tactics to hit feeders and run. I do operate that way but not because I enjoy it—I’m forced into that behavior. The old woman has a stiff broom and Mr. Geritol has a slingshot—and they call ME the terrorist?
Why do they get to have WMD's (Weapons of Mean Desires) and think I should have my teeth pulled? I am on no global power trip. I don’t even think globally. I just want to be in control of this one backyard. I want to be master of my universe which is less than a half-acre of manicured lawn, delicious flower bulbs and an endless supply of black-oil sunflower seeds in a clear plastic, waterproof container. This would be utopia if I didn’t have to spend so much time in conflict over border disputes with this retired couple with too much time on their hands.
--Hairy Houdini
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