Squirrel's View of Hot Pepper

Christmas is coming and I know a lot of you are getting Hot Pepper to keep furballs off your bird feeders. I would just like to say a few choice words to those of you using hot pepper powder in your bird feeders to keep me out— "Get A Life."

First of all, if you haven't figured it out—it doesn't work. I don't mind the stuff at all. Second, it may not be all that healthy for your birds. Sure, they have very undeveloped taste buds but what do you think it's doing to their short digestive system?

To test my theory, eat a jar of hot jalapena peppers while holding your nose so you don't taste them. Do it quickly. If you aren't dead in 12 hours, go ahead and feed your birds hot pepper. But don't count on my not showing up for seconds, thirds and fourths. I quickly develop a taste for any recipe that includes birdseed. I may spend a little more time at your birdbath, but you won't rid your life of me with an expensive additive.

You could take the funny money you are spending on that stuff and invest in additional seed to treat me with. Think about it. A 50-lb. bag of black oil sells for $9 to $13 in most areas. To treat 50-lbs. of seed with pepper powder you need $5 worth. That $5 could buy another 25-lbs. of seed for me.If it makes you feel better, I will sit on the feeder and breathe like a dragon. But let's not spend hard-earned money making each other miserable. You try the stuff and if it keeps one of my brother furballs from eating your seed, I'll eat your hat if you fill it with birdseed!

What are they going to think of next to keep me off the feeder. I finally figured that stupid merry-go-round feeder out. I discovered if I hold the perch down with my paw I can wear the battery out in ten minutes. That's not to say I don't enjoy spinning around on that expensive little furball flinging feeder. Squirrels are like Top Gun fighter pilots. We can take G-force stronger than a woodpeckers head bouncing back from a hardwood tree.You think landing on an aircraft carrier is difficult try jumping off your roof and hitting the icy tin roof of a bird feeder with pie tins strung up around it.

I can't believe so many people would trash up their yard with contraptions above and below their bird feeder. They go out and buy a hundred dollar work of art that stores seed for their little feather dusters, then paste a landfill of gadgets and contraptions all over it to keep a cute little fuzz-faced furball like me from eating a couple seeds now and then from it. I'm sure passersby must think the same thing I do when they see that mess. They must be saying, "those people have just too much time on their hands," because that is exactly what I say.

Save your money and time and spread a little holiday cheer my way. If you promise not to give me any hot pepper, I promise not to give you any hot tongue or cold shoulder in the New Year. Peace Brother! --Hairy Houdini