Hole In The Tree GangI’ve been busted so many times my rap sheet resembles that of a politicians. Like them I’m a cheatin’, lyin’, opportunist looking for love in all the wrong places. My only saving grace is that I am one of the cutest little devils to ever walk the face of the Earth. I don’t mean to brag or boast but I can convince the stingiest miser on the planet to feed me peanuts. In minutes I can have me eating right out of his hand. It is actually a form of hypnotism. I get them staring at my tail as I move it back and forth very slowly. When I get them a little groggy I stare them right in the eye. They think they are enjoying a nice, innocent Kodak moment when actually I have taken over their mind and reprogramming them. From that time on they forget about those stupid chatty birds that don’t even have the decency to relieve themselves away from the feeder. They concentrate on my dietary needs. I have their full attention. They respect me and I respect the fact that they respect me.
For a lot of years squirrels were losing market share in a big way. They even started calling the backyard feeding craze, "The Bird Feeding Craze." Some people were even promoting anti-squirrel sentiments that began to catch on with homeowners. Conniving marketing plans convinced a majority of homeowners that they did not like squirrels. People started believing this bunk and even brainwashing their friends and neighbors as if it were abnormal to enjoy a cute little squirrel at the feeder.
Most rodents would have given up trying to win the war on acceptance. We could have thrown up our paws and just lived with a combative relationship but that is not our style. We know were good and this was our time to shine. It was PR in its finest hour. Within a few short years we have gained back double-digit marketshare percentages. We are back in vogue and people are lovin’ us again.
Squirrel feeding is now a multimillion dollar industry and every retailer and manufacturer in North America is jumping on the band wagon. New varieties of squirrel food are hitting the market faster than you can say, "Jiffy." We even have our own line of suet now. That’s right, call me fathead just don’t call me late for dinner.
We owe a lot of thanks to The Dick E. Bird News for seeing our strengths early and promoting us when the rest of the world seemed to be turning on us. I can’t say enough about myself. I am a wonderful member of a marvelous species and I just hope you get the opportunity to share some quality time with me at your feeder this year.
—Hairy Houdini
For a lot of years squirrels were losing market share in a big way. They even started calling the backyard feeding craze, "The Bird Feeding Craze." Some people were even promoting anti-squirrel sentiments that began to catch on with homeowners. Conniving marketing plans convinced a majority of homeowners that they did not like squirrels. People started believing this bunk and even brainwashing their friends and neighbors as if it were abnormal to enjoy a cute little squirrel at the feeder.
Most rodents would have given up trying to win the war on acceptance. We could have thrown up our paws and just lived with a combative relationship but that is not our style. We know were good and this was our time to shine. It was PR in its finest hour. Within a few short years we have gained back double-digit marketshare percentages. We are back in vogue and people are lovin’ us again.
Squirrel feeding is now a multimillion dollar industry and every retailer and manufacturer in North America is jumping on the band wagon. New varieties of squirrel food are hitting the market faster than you can say, "Jiffy." We even have our own line of suet now. That’s right, call me fathead just don’t call me late for dinner.
We owe a lot of thanks to The Dick E. Bird News for seeing our strengths early and promoting us when the rest of the world seemed to be turning on us. I can’t say enough about myself. I am a wonderful member of a marvelous species and I just hope you get the opportunity to share some quality time with me at your feeder this year.
—Hairy Houdini
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